Dental Dana has a friend

Well, Dental Dana was at the coffee shop, and she bumped into another kind of healthcare person. The next thing you know, they were sharing their experiences regarding “who shows up for care” in their office. And how that conversation flowed! Sure, we all know about the exploits of DD, but are you ready for Blood Chick?


Blood Chick 1  (and more)

Blood Chick 1

That woman, she took my blood,
When I swooned
I fell with a thud,
Awoke light-headed
Like a spinning jenny,
Not only my blood
But the blood of many.

Caught my eye at first,
Before I understood her thirst,
No, I won’t argue
She was really cute,
I needed to see her….
I was resolute.

Looks so young, that kid,
When I came to donate
She had the highest bid,
And now I’m drained
I guess; good to the last drop,
Rachel, I begged
Oh please, don’t stop.

So caring, she held my hand,
After I swooned
I could no longer stand,
I was laid on the gurney
And they lowered my head,
I was too weak to grasp
To pull her onto my bed.

She stood to the side,
I caught a little smirk
Plus a wink, and I sighed,
Knowing, she tried to drain me
I guess I have a good taste,
She whispered in my ear:
“To the last drop; I mustn’t waste”.


Blood Chick 2

I have read a lot
Of vampire books,
Depends on the author
Just how vampires look,
But there’s a general consensus
Regarding aging, and such?
You’ll be frozen at the age
Of your vampiric touch.

The rumor is
That they bite your neck,
A lot more vigorous
Than the little peck,
That you got from Eunice
Back in the fourth grade,
Ya, her mother was a vampire
And that’s why you’re afraid.

Historically vampires
Get a bad rap,
You may have heard about silver
Crosses and crap,
Designed to repel
Your friendly neck biter,
Every vampire I’ve met
Was a heck of an inviter.

Well, I suppose that is necessary
To maintain the blood supply,
It has a short shelf life
Because even blood will die,
And they don’t bite the dead
So, your chances are good,
How best to avoid a bite?
Wear a chain-mail hood.


Blood Chick 3

She held my hand
And squeezed my finger,
Though poised with a lance
I wanted her to linger,
Because her look of concentration
Displayed her finest features,
Then she speared my finger
Oh my; what a creature.

Fair skin and beauty
I couldn’t ask for more,
Oh yes, vampiric women
I surely adore,
And when that drop of blood came
There was a smile on her lips,
As I pondered the future
With the sway of her hips.

Sure, this is but a fantasy
Of my dusty imagination,
Securely embedded
In juvenile infatuation,
I’m the first to admit
I’m stuck at age fourteen,
Be that it may
She’s the blood chick queen.


Blood Chick 4

Only every eight weeks
Can I donate whole blood,
Not like the old days
Nothing else, I’m a dud,
Not platelets and plasma
In one single session,
Thus, whole blood it is
My singular expression.

I’m worried, you see
If I pick the wrong day,
Eight weeks from now
Blood Chick might be away,
Off on a boat trip
Or skiing at Vail,
She won’t be there to comfort
Her least favorite male.

Stalkers, and such
We get a bad rap,
I’m just donating blood
Like Corona, on tap,
Not the best of all beers
But I might save a life,
And face it, I’m not looking for
A replacement wife.

But, I would like my Nurse
To be, you know who,
Rachel, of course
And not number two,
Because that one doesn’t care
If she misses my vein,
No, she’s an iron maiden
When it comes to giving pain.

Rachel, my vampire
Is gentle with blood,
She smiles and giggles
And says I’m a stud,
All the while I am drifting
Near death, in a slumber,
And dreaming she told me
Her special phone number.









Dental Dana 69

Dental Dana
Said, I might be infected,
Contagious, she said
And that’s why she’s protected,
By face shields, and such
Like the gloves and the mask,
She doesn’t want to catch anything
During the dental hygiene task.

Like, when she is cleaning
And scratching my gums,
I tell you, it’s too difficult
To imagine sugar plums,
Like I might do much later
When I’m healing at home,
After another blood-letting
At the Dental cleaning dome.

Ya, DD is smart
She plans out her day,
Those times for my appointment
Where everything is in play,
Including the flossing
The X-rays and rinse,
Every effort to prove to me
That I’m not her prince.


Dental Dana 68


Dental Dana
Threatens dissections,
When risky clients
Won’t follow directions.

Her Dentist is thinking
About testing robotics,
To keep some safe distance
When treating psychotics;
Those kind of people
That never pay attention,
It might be about time
To trial the new invention.

Dental visits
Will never be the same,
I’ll have to come up with
A variation on my game,
Because I couldn’t go on
With that kind of seclusion,
There is just nothing like
A Dental Dana infusion.

Dental Dana 67

Dental Dana
She’s incredible,
(And if I could say)
Looks kind of, edible,
But thoughts like that
Could get me killed,
Worse than that
Probably over-billed.

When I approach
The dental chair,
I clear my thoughts
And comb my hair,
Trying to hide
An underlying fear,
Of sharp pointed tools
Two inches from my ear.

Dental Dana
Knows me well,
Where previous visits
Raised an alarm bell,
And my frisky behavior
Got me in trouble,
Tossing me out of the office
On the double.


Dental Dana 66

Dental Dana
She’s on the attack,
I smirked at her
Behind her back
She spun around
And tried to slice,
A new groove in my tongue
For not being nice.

When I wiggled my ears
She pounded on my molar,
Some kind of new implant
While claiming it’s solar,
The latest cool thing
Down on cavity street,
Solar powered fillings
Can cook while you eat.

Yep, Dental Dana
Is cutting edge,
Before she starts working
I have to pledge,
That I will behave
Like I learned my lesson,
If not, she might call;
Smith & Wesson.


Dental Dana 64

Dental Dana
Is a sassy lass,
She always lets me know
I’m not of her class,
And when she meets me at the door
Of the hygiene room,
I always get nervous
And my heart goes, BOOM.

Well, I bit her finger
And chewed her thumb,
But she didn’t get mad
Until a patted her bum,
Which in this day and age
Constitutes assault,
So I offered her french-fries
And a chocolate malt.

It appears I never learn
From prior events,
Though I always apologize
With every new offense,
Thus, DD loses patience
At the drop of a hat,
Now my jaw is jammed open
With a big dead rat.

Once again I failed
Though my ardor is stronger,
But I suspect DD
Won’t see me any longer,
She has put the kibosh
On any future arrangement,
Yea, our relationship has reached
Terminal estrangement.

Dental Dana 63


Dental Dana’s
Gentle caress,
Can ameliorate
All kinds of duress,
That might occur
In the dental chair,
Like the time the grinder
Got caught in my hair.

At 50 thousand r-p-m
It ripped and tugged
From stern to stem,
While I cried
Like a howling beagle,
The end result?
I was bald as an eagle.

Dental Dana
Did acquiesce,
It was time to apply
Her gentle caress,
To soothe the soldier
Wounded in battle,
And I promised her
I wouldn’t tattle.